Far Away

27 days, just 27 days till the beginning of a new chapter in my life.  It hasn't quite settled inside of me yet that I will be leaving in less than a months time and it scares me, I won't deny that because denying it would be a lie.  Yesterday I got home from being at the beach all weekend long with great friends.  When I got home and entered into my room the first thing that crossed my mind was that I would start getting back pains again.  No that's not true actually haha.  When I walked into my room I noticed that my mom had placed a bag on the floor with miscellaneous things for my mission.  Then fear and reality began to settle inside of my thoughts and I grew to be silent.  During the night I didn't speak to my family much, I just sat in at the dinner table with them to only listen to the conversation at hand and to not speak a word.  


The one thing that I have told myself over and over again in my mind was to not push away from those around me and the sad thing is that that's exactly what I'm doing, not intentionally of course but I have entered a point where I don't have motivation to speak to many people, especially my family.  I'm not proud of such a thing but such a thing has become of me.  Actions like these are dangerous and harmful, something that I should not take part in but have.  


I have to do better than what I have been doing because this is not who I am, and I know that.  Losing relationships is the one thing that I cannot afford at this point in my life.  I will be leaving in 27 days and will be gone for two years and losing relationships would destroy me, almost completely.  Being on the other side of the world scares me enough, but to be there alone without such incredible friends is the one thing that would tear me apart.  


Never push away from those around you, because in the end they will be the ones who will be by your side no matter where you go, and no matter who you become.